


A New Kind of Pain

by dickspeightjrs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Crying, Emotional Hurt, First Kiss, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Men Crying, Sad, Sad Castiel (Supernatural), Sad Dean Winchester, Sad Ending, Sad Sam Winchester, Season/Series 15 Speculation, Season/Series 15 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:21:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26156431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dickspeightjrs/pseuds/dickspeightjrs
Summary: Based on the small scene between Dean and Castiel in the new promo for the remaining episodes of Supernatural Season 15.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 30
Kudos: 88





	A New Kind of Pain

“You have fought for the whole world… I won’t make you fight for me.” 

“Make me? Cas, fighting for you is all I know.” Dean pleads. “It’s been clouded by other things,  _ stupid things _ , before but it’s always been there. You’re in my bones, under my skin, in my  _ soul _ . If you leave me now, I’ll never stop fighting to get you back. I’ll tear apart this whole world if I have to. I can’t keep fighting for the whole world if my world isn’t next to me fighting too.”

Dean never imagined this is how it all came out and he feels like he should be a little embarrassed that Sam is hearing this declaration of love but he can’t bring himself to care. He’d do or say anything at this point to make Cas understand and not give in to this. 

Castiel just stands there. Looking at Dean with those goddamn beautiful blue eyes. 

Heartache turns to frustration turns to anger.

“Dammit, Cas! We can fix this.” 

“Dean,” Castiel says softly, gently with more care than he’d ever heard the angel speak. “It’s not broken. It’s just how it has to be.” 

Echoes of the past send shockwaves through Dean. The last time he and Cas had said those words seemed like so long ago. So much anger that seems so trivial now. But they’d made it through then and they’ll make it through now. 

“No! No, this ain’t happening. No way.” Dean shakes his head. 

“Dean,” Castiel begs. “Don’t make this harder. Please.”

Dean can see the tears come to Castiel’s eyes, flooded with complete desperation, despair, anguish. It’s a look that Dean never thought he’d see marr the features of his angel. 

“Cas, I-” Dean breathes. He can’t speak. Emotion claws its way up his throat and grips his vocal cords, cutting out his voice. His eyes become blurry with tears and he can’t even bring himself to try to clear them. 

Dean turns to Sam who has been standing to the side, trying to process the information himself. For once Dean doesn’t have the answers, and he needs his little brother to help him. 

All their lives Dean has been looking out for his pain-in-the-ass little brother, been strong for Sam, helped him through anything. Now, he wants nothing more than to crumble into his baby brother’s arms. 

“Sammy..” Dean begs through tears. 

Sam shakes his head, not uttering a word. 

Overwhelming pain pulses through Dean. Even through his torture in hell, he could never have imagined an agony like this - an open wound that would never heal. He grits his teeth as he tries to swallow down a sob racking through his body. 

He turns back to face Castiel. His angel’s face is crumpled in sorrow. 

“I just, after everything we’ve been through. This can’t be it.” Dean sobs. His barriers are down, the flood gates open and he’s never felt more exposed than he does right now. 

Castiel takes a step closer and reaches a delicate hand to touch Dean’s hand that lays by his side. 

No words are spoken between the hunter and the angel. Dean allows Castiel to grip his hand. He welcomes the physical connection to his love. 

“I thought we’d have more time.” Dean whispers. 

“I know, Dean. I did too.” Castiel smiles through the tears on his face. 

_ Dean. _

God, what would he do without hearing his name said like that? Shouted. Whispered. Screamed. Mumbled. Dean doesn’t care. He’d take anything over this. 

Castiel places his other hand on Dean’s wet cheek. Dean closes his eyes and leans into the touch, savouring the warmth. 

When he opens his eyes, he sees nothing but love on Castiel’s face. “You have to know, Dean. Raising you from hell changed everything.” He whispers. “And even if this had to be the outcome every time, I wouldn’t deviate from even one second of our journey together.” 

A fresh wave of tears slid down Dean’s face. “Me too, Cas.” 

Dean takes a breath and leans his forehead against Cas’. Closing his eyes, he breathes in the smell of the angel, a smell he could have covered himself in. 

A few seconds pass before Dean opens his eyes again. Castiel opens his eyes too, as if sensing Dean’s minute movement. 

Not wasting a second more, Dean closes the gap between them, capturing Castiel’s lips in a soft kiss. 

His heart breaks all over again. Knowing now that this is what he’d been missing out on, knowing that he’d never have the time to explore Castiel in ways that he’d always been too scared to try. It was a new kind of torture. 

They pull apart but remain locked together, breathing each other in for the first and last time. 

With a sniff, trying to clear the tears, Castiel takes a determined step back. 

He squares his shoulders. And avoids Dean's destroyed look. 

Instead, he turns to Sam. And smiles. “Sam, I once called you ‘the boy with the demon blood’ and ‘an abomination’ but I was wrong. You’ve weathered many storms. You’re worthy of many great things. I’m honoured that I’ve been able to call you my family. Thank you.”

Sam smiles through the tears on his face, and nods. He doesn’t say anything but he doesn’t need to. Castiel knows how Sam feels. 

“Dean,” Castiel finally looks to Dean again. “I’m sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me.” 

Dean lets out a small watery laugh. “There’s nothing to forgive, Cas. I’ll never hold this over you.” 

Castiel smiles to himself before he straightens once again and looks each Winchester brother in the eyes one last time, with a look of defeated acceptance. 

He takes a deep, unsteady breath. 

“Goodbye.” 

And Castiel is gone. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Also posted on my [tumblr](https://dickspeightjrs.tumblr.com/). (Follow me?)
> 
> If you're on tumblr, consider checking out and requesting a prompt from my ['30 Destiel Prompts' challenge.](https://dickspeightjrs.tumblr.com/post/626272747933302784/so-if-you-followed-me-like-4-million-years-ago)
> 
> Comment and give a kudos if you liked? (or if you want to shout at me too, that's fine! I did cry at this like ten times as I wrote it)


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